How To Hack Your Poop

Human poop

When my poop is bright red, the culprit is
usually beets I ate a day or two before. As
beets have become a larger part of my diet,
the number of seconds I stare at bright red
poop while thinking I’m about to die have
steadily decreased. But recently, faced with
another clean white bowl of shocking red
poop, I ran through everything I’d eaten in
the past week and came up beet-free. Panic
naturally followed.
The longer I spent Googling poop colors the
more intrigued I got. What about other colors
besides red? What about texture, or size, or
smell? Could I hack my own poop? Eventually
I called up Dr. Anish Sheth, gastroenterologist
at the Princeton Medical Group and co-
author of What’s Your Poo Telling You?
(Chronicle Books, 2007), to find out more.

The

Poop in the toilet

COLORS

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BROWN
Poop isn’t brown because all the gloriously
colored foods you’ve eaten have mixed
together to create a single shade; it’s brown
because of bile. Bile is a liquid, produced by
our livers and stored in our gallbladders, that
mostly serves to break down fats and remove
them from digested foods so that our small
intestines can snag the fats and process
them. “Bile is green,” says Sheth, “but as it
goes through the GI [gastrointestinal] tract
it’s actually metabolized by bacteria in the
small intestine.” That interaction of bile with
the intestine’s bacteria also results in a
byproduct we don’t need, called stercobilin,
which is disposed of with the poop. And
stercobilin, surprise surprise, is brown.
Ultimately, if your poop is brown, you know
that all kinds of gross mushy guts are
working properly — your liver, intestine,
gallbladder, everything, has worked together
to come up with that lovely brown color.
CHALKY GREY OR WHITE
Poop that comes out kind of chalky grey or
white colored is a classic sign that something
has gone wrong way back in your system.
Pale poop could mean you have a gallstone
that’s blocking the gallbladder from injecting
its bile, but it could also be caused by
pancreatic cancer. Pale poop: very bad.
YELLOW
Similarly, beware of notably gross yellow
poops. You’ll know that something’s wrong
here; they’ll smell terrible, for one thing, and
feel greasy and disgusting. They’re the result
of fat finding its way into your poop —
remember, your bile was supposed to take
care of fat. The problem could be a parasite
like giardia, it could be a result of taking an
over-the-counter weight-loss drug like Alli, it
could be evidence of celiac disease. Who
knows? See a doctor.
BLACK
Black poop is also very bad. It’s called
melena, and it means you’ve got something
bleeding in your upper gastrointestinal tract.
“This could be caused by something like an
ulcer in the stomach,” says Sheth. “The blood
is red in the stomach, but by the time it goes
down through the system, it gets digested
and turns thick and tarry and black.”
GREEN
Green poop can be caused by totally
innocuous things, which we’ll get to later. But
it can also be caused by what’s called “rapid
transit,” meaning the bile doesn’t spend
enough time (it usually needs a few hours) in
the intestine, getting broken down and
churning out brown stercobilin. Green poop
caused by rapid transit is usually pretty loose
or straight-up diarrhea, and can be the result
of some kind of intestinal bug.
RED
Red poops can be bad, sometimes; blood in
the lower gastrointestinal tract that hasn’t
had time to turn black could turn your poops
red. That’s bad! But red poops are easily
caused by dyes, so don’t panic. Speaking of
dyes…
How to hack your poo if you actually want it
to turn other colors:
After my recent panic in the bathroom,
Google helped me come up with the answer:
the fancy purple carrots I’d eaten the day
before.
See, your digestive tract doesn’t bother
removing certain kinds of dyes, both natural
and artificial, from foods. They’re of no
particular use or harm, so the body just lets
them ride all the way from your mouth to
your butt. “Fruits and vegetables that have
certain natural colors, that color will be
transmitted to your stool and will change the
way things look,” says Sheth. He specifically
named beets (red), blueberries (blue-ish), and
carrots (orange) as common color bandits.
TURN IT RED!
Artificial dyes like Red #40 can have the
same effect. A landmark study in 1972, which
was, swear to god, subtitled “The Franken
Berry Stool,” discovered that the red dye in
then-new Franken-Berry cereal, when
consumed in enough quantity, would turn
poop red. Red #40 is the most commonly
used red food dye in the US, though it’s been
banned in lots of other countries and on it’s
way to being banned in others. You can find
it in Kool-Aid, red candy (Starburst, Jolly
Ranchers, cinnamon-flavored gum), cereal
like Froot Loops and Trix, Jello, Doritos,
strawberry ice cream…pretty much everything
that’s red and comes in a package has Red
#40 in it. Want to color your poop red? Drink
a bunch of cherry Kool-Aid.
TURN IT GREEN!
Let’s go back to our old friend, the green
poop. Green poop can show up if you eat an
excess of chlorophyll, found especially in dark
leafy greens like kale and spinach. The body
doesn’t break down the colors in chlorophyll,
so they head right out the butt. You can
achieve this same effect by taking chlorophyll
supplements, if you don’t want to eat your
greens. But, the primary reason leafy greens
turn your poop green is because of their high
insoluble fiber content. If you want a truly
hacked green poop, you’re better off going
artificial — something with Green #3 dye.
Green #3 isn’t as common as Red #40, but
you can still find it in canned vegetables and
green desserts like popsicles. It’s probably
worth noting that Green #3 is banned
outright in the European Union and has been
found to cause tumors. We do not
recommend eating enough popsicles to turn
your poop lime-green, but it will, if you do.
Here’s something weird: You can also turn
your poop bright green by eating foods with
Blue #1, an artificial dye (also, again, banned
by several countries for possible deleterious
health effects) found commonly in blue- and
purple-colored foods. Anything grape or blue
raspberry flavored could have Blue #1 in it,
and many informal tests have indicated that,
instead of turning your poop blue, Blue #1
will turn your poop bright green. That’s a fun
game! Drink tons of grape Gatorade or eat
blue raspberry slushies and watch your poop
turn, against all odds, green.
TURN IT ORANGE!
It’s also easy, and healthier, to go for orange
poops. Foods rich in the vibrant natural
pigment beta carotene, like orange carrots,
sweet potatoes, and pumpkins, have the
potential to turn your poops orange.
TEXTURES

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Texture, like so many of the variables that
change our poops, is all about fiber. There
are two kinds of fiber: soluble and insoluble.
You need both of them, but they have in
some ways opposite effects. Soluble fiber
dissolves in water, helping your poops to be
firm by attracting water to them while
keeping their structure intact. Soluble fiber
also slows down your digestive system (and
makes you feel full), and is found in stuff like
oatmeal, lentils, nuts, beans, carrots, and
apples. Insoluble fiber isn’t dissolved in your
system, so it finds its way into your poop and
speeds up the process of digestion, as well as
making your poop a bit looser. It’s found in
dark vegetables and the skins of potatoes.
IF YOUR POOPS ARE LOOSE…
If you’re having green, liquid poops due to
rapid transit, you might be able to turn the
poops firm and brown again by eating a
whole mess of soluble fiber, like in, say,
oatmeal, which is what Sheth recommends
(instead of Grape Nuts or fiber supplements)
to increase your fiber intake.
IF YOU’RE HAVING SMALL, FIRM POOP
PELLETS…
Small, pellet-like poops have a couple
potential causes. The scary one would be
diverticulosis, a condition in which sort of
pocket-like protuberances form on the
intestine, which affects how you expel the
poop. But you can have that disease for years
without knowing it, and the more likely issue
with poop pellets is that you’re simply not
getting enough insoluble fiber to keep your
poop nice and pliable and in large pieces.
Eat some leafy greens!
IF YOUR POOP FEELS JUST WAY TOO BIG…
Have you ever had a poop that feels like it’s
too big to even make its way out of you?
Assuming you eventually can pass it, that
would be called a low-level form of
constipation, which can be caused by all
sorts of things: not enough physical activity
and a lack of insoluble fiber would be the
main culprits. Remember how insoluble fiber
speeds up digestion? Well, if you don’t get
enough insoluble fiber, the poop can stay in
your intestine for longer than it’s supposed
to, and your body will naturally keep leaching
out all the liquid until the poop is dry and
hard. That’s very bad news; to make its way
out through the gauntlet of muscles between
the intestine and the toilet, a poop needs to
be a little bit malleable. If it’s dry and hard,
it can get stuck in there, which is called a
“fecal impaction.” This can be very painful,
and the solutions are all pretty extreme; you
may even have to get a doctor to lube him-
or herself up and scoop the poop out.
IF YOUR POOP FEELS SHARP…
Sharp poop is another concern; it can be
caused by a lack of insoluble fiber (thus
making parts of the poop dry and hard, but
not actually stopping it from exiting as in a
full fecal impaction) or by eating things that
are actually sharp, like sunflower seed shells.
But there’s also a risk that the poop only
feels sharp as a result of some kind of
weakness in your inner tissue, like swollen
hemorrhoids, a cyst, or the horrific-sounding
“anal fissure,” which is basically a small tear
in your anus. Repeated or particularly severe
sharp-feeling poop would definitely be
grounds for a trip to the gastroenterologist.
IF YOU HAVE THE RUNS…
What about the other end of the spectrum?
Diarrhea, excessively soft or liquid poops, has
more causes than most poop-related
troubles; it can be caused by bacteria, a lack
of bacteria, a virus, a bad meal, stress,
various prescribed medications, a food
intolerance you didn’t know you had (like,
say, a minor lactose intolerance), and all
kinds of scarier diseases like diabetes and
hyperthyroidism. There’s not even all that
much you can learn based on when you get
diarrhea; some causes (like eating dairy
despite a lactose intolerance) can produce
diarrhea within an hour, and some (like the
contraction of various bacteria) take several
days to saddle you with liquid poops.
As far as treatments for diarrhea, well, those
are pretty basic and familiar. Drink more
liquid than you’re losing, get some rest, see a
doctor if it doesn’t go away within a day or
two or if you’re experiencing particularly awful
pain.
SMELLS

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“People always think it’s methane, but the
foul smell of stool actually comes from a
group of compounds called mercaptans,”
including hydrogen sulfide, says Sheth.
Certain foods are especially high in
mercaptans, like red wine, coffee, red meat,
and cheese; these are sure to cause both
smelly gas and smelly poops. But classic
smelly vegetables, like broccoli and brussels
sprouts, aren’t naturally that high in
mercaptans. “Vegetarians actually produce
more gas than people who eat meat,” says
Sheth, “but the gas tends to not smell as
bad.”
Have you ever made bread by putting some
yeast in warm water and waiting for it to emit
a bunch of air and turn foamy? That’s pretty
much what’s going on in our gut. Fruits and
vegetables that are high in fiber are broken
down in the small intestine by various
bacteria. As a byproduct, the bacteria
produce gas, which, well, has to go
somewhere. A healthy diet, high in fiber, will
produce a lot of gas. Weird but true. But it
won’t really affect the smell of poops, and
Sheth says there probably isn’t a way to
reliably change the smell of your poops.
THE BOTTOM LINE
The fact that my purple carrot salad turned
my poop such a lovely shade of magenta was
alarming, but perfectly healthy. And the
experience turned me on to so many fun
variables in poop — color, texture, frequency,
and smell are all like canaries in the coal
mine, emerging from my body to alert me to
what’s going on within. “Hey Dan!” shouts
the red poop. “You ate a whole package of
strawberry Jello yesterday!” Thanks, poop. I’ll
never ignore you again.